These hot and humid days give eveyone a "work out" just to think, go to work, get enough sleep...and do it all again the next day! The heavy air makes it hard to just breathe. So "the weather" is getting used as my excuse for not posting here everyday (hey, I had been on a roll !).
Friday morning was tedious (you could tell from my last post). But most "housekeeping" tasks are tiresome. Now I've got my online stuff a little more organized. (Next is backing up files but that's gotta be left for a cooler day.)
About the only thing I've done every day in one form or another is writing. Most days that actually feels good. But some of my best writing seems to just - pop out? It kind of shocks me when it happens. It's totally different than other kinds of writing.
About a month ago, I had a special kind of offer to do some ghostwriting. The proposal was basically "I could help you; You could help me." It kinda scared me at first and I wasn't sure I could write FOR someone. (Which is stupid, since writing for publication is "for someone." It's just the confidence level in the way. So after being scared, then I let myself get a little excited. I looked on the internet at similar topics; I could write equally well or better than the pieces I saw out there. So her offer planted ideas that fed other ideas.
Then came the email: "I think I made a mistake," kind of email. I was shocked. Yet there was that little voice "see I told you it was too good to be true." (yuck) I couldn't answer the email. When I finally did answer, I asked if we could at least discuss her reasons. The next day an email came: "You're hired!" in caps. So I took a deep breath, and decided to "wait". (Yes that little voice can be helpful sometimes, and this time it advised, simply, "Wait." Within a day or two came another email, building me up, complimenting my writing, but saying no, this won't work and maybe you can write for me later.
I like this person, admire her. But, I don't know how to handle her yes-no-yes-no communications. Maybe I would feel differently if I had approached her (like queries to publishers), and got the dreaded "rejection letter." But, she approached me, and I guess she hadn't thought it through. I really think she wanted to build my confidence by making the proposal. But, by backtracking, my shaky confidence got worse. It kind of feels like someone who compliments your kids or something "in development," but then you catch a look of disdain on their face. And after that, you simply nod with a smile when offered future "compliments." You dont know which message is true from a person, and so, your gut remembers the negative one.
The crappy thing is, I don't think she meant to have this ripple effect. And crappier, I don't know exactly what to say to her about this subject. So I'm sitting on it, not sure what to do--- or what will happen next in our relationship. I guess my fear is she might take this as an opportunity to cut & run, and only time can show me whether she's going to go.
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